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You should try podcasting. I mean, you already sponsored by fleshlight so you are basically halfway there.

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But what if I just don't want to masturbate? I think that I must be asexual, because none of that sounds very appealing to me, or worth the guilt that I've been trained to feel afterward. (I understand this training was arbitrary, and it doesn't make me judge anyone other than myself. It seems like a lot of people around me are pushing the idea of masturbation. I just don't think that I am, or may ever be, ready.